Dogs, Dogs, and more Dogs

We need more dogs. There aren’t enough dogs in the world, and certainly not enough dogs in the places we go every day. If you go to work, to a cafe, to a museum, to a grocery store, or anywhere else, and there are not at least several dogs there, then that place is suffering from a severe lack of dogs, and if they do not remedy their dog dearth in a timely manner, then they would face fines or closure.

Life is better with dogs, and every place is better with dogs. If you’ve ever been to a party, and there’s been a dog there, you know that the only one at that party worth spending time with is that dog. If there’s a dog at every party you go to from this moment on, you will find your mood and quality of life improving dramatically. Get yourself a plate of food and stick close to that dog, and an otherwise anxious and boring evening will be a delight. The only thing better than a dog at a party is many dogs at a party. Ideally, there will be more dogs than people. This is the only way to guarantee good company and a good time.

We need dogs everywhere. At home, at work, in stores, in doctors’ offices and libraries and restaurants, in public and private places, everywhere. Life is better when they’re around, and so they should always be around.

Now, you might be thinking, if we have dogs everywhere, won’t we also have dog shit everywhere? And won’t we have to deal with the regular interruptions of dogs barking, playing, fighting, and humping each other?

Well, perhaps. Especially starting out, when the concept of being in formerly human-only places is still so new and exciting to them. But with time, the novelty will rub off and they’ll calm down. And training will handle the shitting issue. These dogs will be trained, of course, don’t be an idiot. Most dogs won’t shit inside, anyway. Does your dog shit inside? My dog doesn’t. What’s wrong with your dog? Sure, my dog whines like a bitch whenever he sees a dog that he’d like to meet, but he gets over that with enough exposure time, and he’s become less of a disobedient lunatic the more time I’ve had him.

Then there are people who are afraid of dogs, are allergic, or just plain don’t care for animals. Perhaps it wouldn’t be fair to them to suddenly have lovable mutts running around and filling all the corners of everyday life. But those folks have had centuries of civilization not being ubiquitously populated by dogs at every turn. They’ve had their turn. Now it’s our time. Now, it’s puppy time.