Karl H Christ
3 min readMar 15, 2021


Republicans are the Raw Dogging Premature Ejaculators of Public Health Policy

Most responsible people use condoms. Many men try not to ejaculate early during sex. Republicans are not these kinds of people. Republicans are the kind of men who refuse to wear condoms and cum almost instantly. They’re also not embarrassed and don’t feel at all bad about it, as many men would and should.

It is largely the fault of Republicans, under the mass-suicidal leadership of Trump, that the pandemic is as bad as it has been. Turd and his deranged followers and supplicants turned a basic health policy practice into a political issue. Wearing a mask follows the same basic principle as wearing a condom, except it’s more comfortable and you can wear ones with different images, designs, and slogans to show off to friends and to strangers at the supermarket. We wear masks for the same reason we wear condoms: to prevent the spread of diseases, whether or not we know we have them or don’t, and to not directly affect the population count, to not ruin lives. Anti-maskers have similar arguments to men who refuse to wear condoms: they’re uncomfortable, they don’t fit right, I’m suffocating!

What it comes down to in both cases, the proud anti-maskers and premature ejaculators, and the cross-section between the two is broad, is selfishness, a misplaced sense of importance in one’s own worth over others. Raw dogging quick-cummers don’t give a fuck about the health, safety, enjoyment, or future prospects of those they’re popping unwanted loads into. The same is true of Republicans and the anti-maskers they empower. They figure they won’t get sick, or choose not to care, and disregard the probability that their selfish actions will get others sick.

The efforts to get past this preventable pandemic have been repeatedly stalled and sabotaged by Republicans cumming early. There have been a few times, across the country, when things started looking better. When hospitalizations decrease, case numbers drop, and mass vaccinations are being administered, things start looking hopeful, like we’re starting to get the disease under control and can beat it. The sex is going well; the receiving partner is enjoying themself, approaching orgasm. Then the Republicans rip off the condom and cum inside them. So much of the work and sacrifice that people did to get to that point, to stay healthy, protect themselves and others is disrespected and the people are mistreated because of the raw dogging premature ejaculating Republicans. They felt like cumming early and opening up all businesses and dropping mask mandates because it serves their immediate selfish interest. Meanwhile, their partner, in this case their constituents and extending to the whole country and world, have a nasty bit of unwanted cum in them. They may already be infected because their asshole partner refused to hold off or have the decency to maintain safety. Case numbers and the unwanted pregnancies of toxic losers skyrocket.

It demands mentioning that while ejaculation may mean the end or a pause to intercourse, it does not necessarily mean the end of sex. There’s more sex to be had and many things a man can do for his partner after he’s cummed. Some men do. Republicans do not. Republicans bust their nuts and leave their partners sloppy and unsatisfied.

This tendency is mirrored in the way they’re treating survivors of the pandemic. Those who’ve gotten the disease and recovered, those who’ve been on the front lines either fighting the pandemic or working to keep society and the economy going despite it, those who’ve lost jobs and homes because of the economic collapse, and those who’ve lost loved ones to the disease, none of them can expect anything from the Republicans. No massaging and fondling or medical and therapeutic coverage, no food and housing assistance or cunnilingus. They’ve been fucked raw and won’t even be offered a towel, a ride home, or financial assistance to deal with what they’ve had to suffer through the course and as a result of the tragic experience.

Like disrespectful, disgusting, pathologically selfish, and not even hot sex partners, Republicans have repeatedly fucked us, they’ve infected us, and they refuse to take any responsibility for it.