Sugar is the Devil

Sugar is the devil. It’s a drug and it’s dangerous, like any other drug, and more so than some. Sugar alters our neurochemistry, has powerful effects on our thoughts, emotions, and actions. It rots parts of our bodies, it causes diseases, it kills people. Global governments and law enforcement and militaries have spent the past century waging a highly selective “war on drugs,” which has demonized certain substances and their users while ignoring or acting in defense and support of others.

What makes cocaine so much worse than sugar? For that matter, what makes caffeine and nicotine “better” than cocaine? Why is everyone picking on cocaine? Cocaine used to be a plentiful part of people’s diets. You could guzzle down coke by the bottle, and I’d bet it was a lot more effective, less revolting, and probably less unhealthy than the scores of toxic energy drinks filling grocery shelves and children’s backpacks today. Every other stimulant can be packed and poured in, from guarina to taurine, and a shit-ton of sugar, but cocaine is forbidden. Is it because coca, like opium poppies, is often grown in places and on land owned by brown people, whereas white colonists have had sugar plantations on lockdown for centuries? Those life-long incestuous fuck-buddies of capitalism and racism have gone hand in hand, and other things in other things, since their twin inceptions.

Few things are illegal for the simple reason of them being unsafe. Lawmakers, by and large, do not and have not ever given a shit about the safety and wellbeing of the people. Being harmful, dangerous, or even deadly isn’t at all enough to earn something illegal status. If something is highly profitable and therefore has a hold on the economy, all sorts of excuses are manufactured to support its production and sale. Guns and gasoline, cars and alcohol, they’ve all killed far more people than cocaine could ever dream of in its jittery, sleepless life.

But this isn’t a treatise on the unjust vilification of cocaine, remember, it’s about the devil sugar.

I stopped eating sugar years ago. I still eat fruit, which the devil has loaded with naturally

occurring sugar. But no added sugar. No cane sugar. No substitutes like honey, molasses, agave, stevia, or the probably-definitely carcinogenic drugs aspartame or Splenda. I made this change after a lifelong sugar addiction and have almost not that many regrets. I’m sure a box of chocolates, or a cake, or a pie, or icecream, or a pie-cake with icecream and chocolates on it would be delicious and mind-blowing, but it would probably blow some other things I’d prefer to keep unblown, and honestly the temptation isn’t strong. I think if I did eat that aforementioned delicious monstrosity, there’s a good chance it would disgust me. Some time ago, I took a sip of someone else’s coffee (maybe tea) and spat it out and almost retched in revulsion. It had been sweetened with honey. If that was my reaction to some simple and pure honey produced by saintly bees, I can only imagine my disgust at the devil cane sugar. But then, even during my sugar-addict years, I never liked sweet coffee, unless it was a venti mocha, preferably the seasonal candycane variant, which was a cornerstone, alongside Auntie Anne’s pretzels, of my early-twenties slow suicide/after work treat.

It is stupid that we as a people and species eat so much sugar. It’s not a nutrient. There’s nothing about it that is actually helpful for our bodies. Compared to other drugs, it has a high damage to low reward ratio. Its high is very brief, and the negative impacts longlasting. If we compare it to, say, cocaine, the high of sugar is shorter than the notoriously short high of coke, and while both will wreck your heart, sugar makes you fat while coke makes you thin. Psilocybin mushrooms have virtually no negative side effects besides a tummy ache and a shitty aftertaste, are nowhere near as unhealthy as sugar, and yet are still illegal in most places. I can say with full medical authority that you’d be much better off eating a whole bag of shrooms than a bag of sugar. You’ll learn more about your place in existence, get in better touch with your emotions and your spiritual self, laugh with more pure joy than you ever thought possible, and have a spectacular time painting, petting puppies, and staring at your own eyes in a mirror, rather than being a jittery, bloated, self-loathing mess.

It is criminal that we feed sugar to children. Any country in which candy is marketed to children, which is basically all of them, should be tried for war crimes. No one should be eating candy, really, but the fact that we make it a staple of children’s diets and turn them into sick little addicts is truly the sort of thing that should result in the heads of corporations and political leaders being publicly hanged.

And, my god, soda. No living being should be drinking soda. Might as well save the time and inject literal poison into your heart. There was a phase in my early twenties when I semi-regularly would eat a candy bar and drink a soda before going to sleep. I probably should have shot poison into my heart instead.

Any parent who gives their children candy and soda should find themselves in stockades outside the Hague alongside the hanging sugar peddlers and the politicians that allow them to push their poison. Not to be killed, like the peddlers and enablers, but they need to be taught a lesson.

But it’s not just candy and soda and the other usual suspects that should be consigned to the murder pile of history. These sickos have put sugar into so many of the foods we eat, without need, for no other apparent person than to feed our addictions and kill us. Most store-bought bread is loaded with sugar. Why the fuck should bread be sweet? It’s not cake. In fact, Ireland’s supreme court ruled that Subway’s bread isn’t even bread. It is so high in sugar that by their country’s laws, it is cake. Those bastards and their pedophilic mascot masqueraded for years as the “healthy fast food option,” while packing your deli fixins into a goddamn cake.

Once, I had to return some chicken broth when I read the ingredients and saw that it had added sugar. When I searched the aisle for a replacement, I saw all the broths had added sugar. The only thing that didn’t was the chickenstock, which was considerably more expensive. Soup is a savory food. What monster would put sugar in it?

Every body is different, and they all react to nutrients, toxins, and poisons in different ways. But no one has a positive response to, and should be eating, sugar. We should all kick the habit and kill the devil. I won’t proselytize and tell you that just because I did it means that you can do it too, but you damn well should.

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