Karl H Christ
6 min readNov 18, 2019

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The Totally Accurate, Non-Libelous Truth of the Lizard People Conspiracy

Hasn’t it ever occurred to you, dear reader, that there is a link between the lizard people conspiracy theory, the war being waged by capitalists against life and the Earth, and white supremacy?

Notice that there is a trend among right-wing figures, not necessarily active white supremacists themselves but certainly patrons and beneficiaries of the diseased ideology, to attempt and fail to look tan. Trump, who evidently and irrefutably smears Velveeta on his face every day, leaving only the translucently pasty circles around his eyes untouched for a reverse raccoon mask effect, is the obvious example. On having regretfully caught sight of Tucker Carlson the other day, I noticed an unnatural ruddiness to his face, like a steel-wool scoured and butter-roasted potato. Matter of fact, looking at many of the Fox News personalities, you’ll notice a palette of inorganic oranges, browns, and reds tinting the otherwise white-cheddary visages of both hosts and guests. Alex Jones, you may notice, if you can stand the sight and sounds of him long enough, has a strange dusky redness to him too, though that may have to do with a pre-stroke excess of cholesterol thick blood pooling in his doughy cheeks and jowls. Tangentially, but related, I recently read The Turner Diaries (morbid curiosity) and found interesting a scene in which, following an early victory of the white supremacist coup which seizes much of California from the United States, white people are described as working happily in orchards, sporting healthy tans. This struck me as odd, as I am struck by the oddness of the synthetic darkening of right-wing figures, because at the core of what drives much of the animosity of these people is skin color. They can and do claim otherwise. They’ll invent reasons of culture and heritage. They’ll invoke fake science. They’ll insist their arguments against immigration and affirmative action and non-white-male protagonists in media have a rational, non-hateful basis. But every aspect of the ideology can be boiled down to the spurious classification of racial identity based on skin pigment. You’d think it would then follow that these white scrotes would prize their pallor, take pride in their melanin deficiency. Yet they cover their pasty white flesh with orange paste, or powders, or bake themselves in tanning beds.

Why?

Is it because their racial pride is self-deluding bullshit and their anti-non-white rancor is in fact the

product of jealousy and a feeling of personal inferiority?

Yes.

But it is also very possible that their reasons are more complex and nefarious. It is indeed probable that these “people” are not human at all.

We are all familiar with the lizard people theory. While it is plausible that the Clintons, the Bushes, Queen Elizabeth, and a host of other powerful and influential people could in fact be shapeshifting lizard monsters who disguise themselves in human form in order to manipulate and subjugate humankind, the sub-savant idiocy of David Icke may be pointing us in the right direction but missing the mark. While I won't speculate as to what inhuman form, lizard or otherwise, they’re hiding inside their painted pallid skins, it would seem incontrovertible that the assorted and semi-united figures of the far-right are inhuman.

Behavior is a dead giveaway. There’s an unquantifiable but readily apparent humanness that we all experience from interactions with one another daily. But every now and then we encounter beings who all but scream their inhumanity. Human voices can be melodious, soothing, at the very least tolerable. Try listening to Rudolph Giuliani and Ted Cruz speaking for more than thirty seconds without being made viscerally ill and feeling compelled to do violence against whatever or whomever is within reach. The ability to speak batshit insanity, a willingness to do harm, whether for joy or resultant of their lack of human empathy makes the non-humans easier to pick out. It’s astonishing that Ann Coulter, Lou Dobbs, and Pat Robertson have slid under the radar for this long.

Once you’re aware of the signs, you’ll spot these beings easily, both in international media and daily life. If they are perhaps better at concealing themselves, obfuscating their inhuman tendencies, the efforts of their ideologies reveal and link them one and all, showing through their shoddy, quasi-human veneer. Much of what they say and do is a distraction. Any hot button issue, whether it be racial, legal, moral, whatever, is all a cover. The easiest way to spot an anti-human is by their views on matters of the environment. Do they deny the truth of the climate crisis? Of global heating? Of the dangerous level of carbon in the air and hazardous waste in the oceans? Do they shrug off, dismiss, or behave outright combatively against environmentalists attempting to address and seek remedies for these issues? If so, congratulations and condolences, you’ve got a (possibly lizardish) anti-human.

So, what are they doing, and why are they doing it?

What is their end goal and their motivation?

It’s not hard to suss out: They are on a crusade to make this planet inhospitable for the majority of life on Earth, altering its climate and atmosphere so that it will eventually be habitable for their kind alone. It certainly tracks that a race of reptilian monsters would benefit from an overall warming of the planet. But let’s not get bogged down by the lizard people thing; that’s merely our jumping off point. These imposters are not human, their biology unknown to us. It is feasible that their survival is dependent on conditions wholly different, even counter to our own. We need clean, oxygen-rich air to breath, potable water to drink and cook and bathe. While it is the prevailing assumption that the crimes against humanity and all life committed by corporations, their owners, executives and shareholders, are the apathetic byproducts of their avarice, there may be more to it than that. Rather than writing off their rampant polluting of our world as a side-effect about which they are indifferent, let us consider whether it is in reality their true primary intent.

While clean air and water are necessities for us and many other lifeforms, there are, or have been, creatures to whom these elements, oxygen for example, are toxic and deadly. Undoubtedly, the non-humans (not necessarily but maybe reptilian), as represented by the Kochs, the heads of Exxonmobil, Shell, and Chevron, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, Nestle and the rest of the handful of major corporations turning our skies to a toxic smog and our waters to acidic sludge, filling the globe with trash and deadly chemicals, are doing so for something more than money. They are fighting a war against us. They’re seeking to end humanity and life as we know it so that they may thrive instead.

This has always been a matter of survival, but we haven’t addressed how clearly the lines are drawn. This is not a disagreement between members of the same species, kinfolk with a difference of opinion regarding whether the lives of many or the profits of a few take precedence. The problem is simpler and the stakes far higher. We are facing the threat of a non-human race of malicious invaders who seek to exterminate us in the process of catastrophically altering our world for themselves. Right-wing extremists are always blathering on about a coming “race war.” Maybe they’re right. But whereas they sell it as a bullshit fight about skin color, which doesn’t even bother taking amateur tanning into account, in truth it is a battle between humanity and toxic possibly-reptilian monsters.

Do all you can to turn the tide in our favor. Dismantle the fossil fuel industry. End the production and unsafe disposal of plastics and other dangerous materials. Purge local and federal governments of the anti-human agents. Empty the Fox News offices, all media offices hosting anti-human mouthpieces. Put them all in pools, piles, and caves of toxic waste to live out their lives under the ideal conditions for their wretched species. It will be doing them a service. We can allow them the poison hellholes they’ve created and made uninhabitable for us, but we must deny them the rest of the world. They cannot be allowed to take what remains of this beautiful world from us. Farbeit for me to incite violence against the anti-humans, but they cannot be allowed to continue their mad devastation unabated. This world is ours and it is precious. This is a war we must win.

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