They CAN Control the Weather. But WHO are THEY?
It’s true, they can control the weather. It takes an insightful and brave person to bring this hidden truth to the American people and the world. Thank the good lord baby Jesus Christ in his modded anti-woke tank trundling along up there in the clouds that we have people like Marjorie Taylor Greene to show us the light, justifying our prejudices and inflaming new ones. Who else could be so bold as to point out the irrefutable evidence that the path of Hurricane Helene, and all other named weather events that have hit the US in the last two weeks, and thus all weather everywhere, coincided with an electoral voting map? Undeniably, this proves they made it happen.
So-called experts, clowns and fraudsters whose only credential is that they spent years of their lives studying supposed scientific evidence, may claim that it is not within the power of human beings to manipulate the weather to their will beyond small-scale actions such as “cloud-seeding.” They’ll insist that weather is determined by ludicrous factors such as heat and wind, the sun and the ocean. What bullshit.
What these egg-skulled con artists fail to recognize, or deliberately work to keep secret, is the fact that obviously the weather can be controlled and that it is being controlled, to cause harm and inconvenience to those who live in heavily Republican-voting regions. Those times when people in largely Democratic-voting regions have had their lives devastated by weather events were flukes, often a case of one of the weather controllers slipping when inputting their calculations, typically because they are intoxicated and/or having sex on the control panel. These slip-ups aside, they are absolutely controlling the weather, especially when bad things happen to Republicans.
But who exactly are “they?”
Is it the deep-state? Democrats? Jews?
Close, but not quite.
It’s cats.
Yes, I know. It’s so obvious when you think about it. We all know that cats have more power than they’re letting on, and that they’re clearly, perpetually up to something, but, of course, while cats comprise much of the deep-state, and nearly half their population in the US lean Democratic, only 27% of cats identify as Jewish.
But to what end?
Why do cats control the weather and why do they hate Republicans so?
The answer to the latter question is simple: because Republicans are malignant growths on the body politic, a mixture of leeches and tumors, figuratively and literally. Everyone hates them. Even, and especially, themselves. But the answer to the former question is more complex. More than that, it’s a deeply held secret that could get anyone who reveals it targeted for weather-based assassination. It’s because the cats are, of course, at war with the lizard people.
You see, it all began back in the era of Captain Socks’s reign, which succeeded the Fritzykins dynasty. There had been a period of relative peace between the cats and the lizard people, solidified by the ritual coupling of Captain Socks’s niece with then-prime minister of the lizard people, Kelvorkh Bloovox. But, everything went sour when one of their hybrid brood, Pritzy Bloovox, unceremoniously carved the likeness of her face on the